Right place, right time, right timing?

 Today my thoughts are about right place, right time, right timing.

Today the Youth for our ward had a temple trip to do Baptisms.  Kai didn't go because he's not feeling well today and Niko couldn't go because of the timing of Hip Hop Class.  I thought about volunteering to bring Niko and Carson to hip hop at 5:30, but then felt like I shouldn't.  It worked out perfectly because on our Young Women's group me page (I'm YW Secretary) it said that June and Kinzlee accidentally got left behind at the church and didn't catch a ride up to the temple with the rest of the group.  Both of their moms are Activity Days Leaders and couldn't leave the group of girls to take them up to the temple so I quickly went and picked them up at the church and brought them to the temple.  I walked into the hall and made sure they were able to get in and find where they needed to go (it was their first time going).  The woman at the front desk was so nice to let me walk in in my jeans, sweatshirt and slippers to let her know what group the girls were supposed to be with and walked them to make sure they were able to find the other young women and leaders.  

When I walked into the temple, even just to the front desk, I felt this overwhelming feeling.  I kept trying to pinpoint what the feeling was.  It was a mixture of peace, and happiness and thankfulness.  It was even more than that, and I'm just not good enough with my words and emotions to pinpoint exactly how to describe it.  As we pulled away, Navy exclaimed "Wow!  What a beautiful castle!"  I didn't realize I hadn't pulled into the parking lot before and shown her the temple.  Maybe when she was a baby and I was trying to get her to nap haha.  I was able to talk to her and explain it was called a temple and yes, it is beautiful.

I myself have not been in the temple for about 4-5 years.  I have struggled with different emotions I have felt when entering by myself.  Feelings of loneliness, confusion, sometimes even anger, but mostly so much sadness.  I felt like going to the temple shouldn't bring those feelings and so I stopped going.  But as I entered today, it wasn't any of those feelings.  It was comfort and majesty that truly made me feel like it was the Lord's house and he was glad I stepped foot in there.  I was supposed to step foot in there.  I was supposed to feel that spark of joy and peace and it was supposed to spark that need to be in there and that yearning to want to know more.  I'm not sure if I'm in a place where I want to go through those front doors and go through a session, and I've come to peace with myself that that's ok.  Maybe I'll get there, but right now I'm not there.  But, maybe I can go in to do Baptisms for the Dead and feel that connection.  Baby steps.  I do know I feel in a place to do that and to help those that have passed on receive those blessings, and to go through with my boys.  

I'm thankful those girls missed riding up with the group and gave me the opportunity to step foot even just the corridor at the front desk.  I'm also so grateful we have a temple so close by that I could run and do that so quickly and got to have that moment.  

It was such a testimony builder to have this solid feeling that Heavenly Father knows me and knows where I am.  I felt this strength in knowing, he knows my heart, and knows where my beliefs are and that where I am now is ok.  

I felt my Grandpa too, and felt he was proud of me where I am.  There is so much peace in feeling like where you are is where you need to be.  And what you are doing is what you need to be doing.  And who you are, is definitely enough.